I is famous.

Because I'm better than my little brother, I have become famous.

Famous enough to be a writer in the wonderful TT Talk magazine what Mum gets and all our Tibetan Terrier friends get.

I passed on my wisdom to my brother the Deviant, and all my fans in the magazine.


And, just for Cindy's mum, here is the transcript in proper words not a picture

Muppet’s Mutterings

I thought, because I’ve got a new little brother called Dave, I should write down 10 basic rules to lead a happy healthy life in this house. They might benefit your TT too. They’re very simple, and hopefully if they pay attention to them more than Dave does, they’ll be well on the way to being a rather fabulous dog.

1. My bowl contains food that doesn’t taste as nice as yours. Get used to it, and either eat yours at 100 mph or expect to have my leftovers.

2. Barking at wild animals on the TV is a prerequisite for living in Mum’s house. It doesn’t matter if it’s something called a Hippo, it might sneak out of a drainpipe one day and try to eat Mum. If it ever does, we’ll be prepared.

3. Cats. There are “indoor” cats and “outdoor” cats. All are evil. However, the three cats that live in the house can only be chased when Mum isn’t around, or privileges like cuddles on the sofa get withdrawn. All outdoor cats get chased, regardless. If you make a small mistake and chase and “indoor” cat, make sure you’re caught with it’s claw in your nose. That way it looks like you are the innocent victim of a random cat attack.

4. Poo-that-fights-back. You know the sort, the ones that hang on to your fur when you’d thought you’d finished. If you run through the dog flap at somewhere averaging 75 mph, do a handbrake turn in the dining room and head back out the dog flap (with a suitable matching look of terror on your face) you will find that those annoying bits of poo will leave your fur somewhere handy like the middle of the rug, where Mum can clean it up easily. Job done.

5. Toys. As Mum falls asleep on the sofa of an evening, choose to play only with the squeaky toys that you own. There might only be one in your stash of toys, so make sure it hasn’t been misplaced or dig it out as noisily as you can. It will not only get Mum up and playing, it will send your sister dogs into a whipped up frenzy that causes this AMAZING screechy noise. It’s worth seeing how quickly Mum jumps off the sofa.

6. Baths. Baths are a weekly test. Sometimes, if you are very clever, you can run out the dog flap into the garden as soon as you see the dog towels starting to be taken to the bathroom. Once out there, keep running round the patio table. If Mum can’t catch you, you’ve passed the test. Whatever you do, avoid the stuff she uses after you’re tortured. Ooops I mean dried. It’s called Lavender grooming spray and it stinks of girls. This is not cool.

7. Cups of Tea. If one gets left on the floor – by anyone – regardless of their status in this house, it should be drunk by a dog. If it’s not, then it might get knocked over and that would mean we’d get into trouble. Coffee too, and wine if you must, but that makes your head go a bit whizzy, and running the wall of death around the lounge doesn’t win us biscuits. Besides, it’s not often full glasses of wine get put down on the floor in the house of any TT owner, I understand.

8. Pot Plants. Strange things hide in the bottom of pot plants. They’re invisible to humans, and you have to dig really really deep to find them. Emptying the entire pot is absolutely necessary. Beware though, if you do it on a really wet day, you might be forced to revisit number 6 on this list.

9. Walks. Walks must be undertaken with enthusiasm and with the strength of a Great Dane. Barking is optional. However, you must criss-cross leads in front of Mum at every opportunity to ensure the best nose-to-lamppost sniff ratio. Our big sister dog learned a good trick the other week too – stopping for a poo whilst waiting to cross at a Zebra Crossing provides endless entertainment for passing motorists, and apparently if you take twice as long to do your business, cars stop randomly at will, probably in admiration, but it makes Mum wave her arms weirdly at the cars.

10. Socks. Socks smell gooood. There are lots of things you can do to get socks. When Mum sits down to put them on, you can easily sneak up and pull them back off, but be quick and run into the garden with them or you lose them and they get stuffed under trousers and in boots before you know it. When Mum takes them off, they’ll be stored in her “floor cupboard” but that’s upstairs and that’s off limits. So, watch out for them when they come back downstairs for wash day. If you can sneak one out of the washing machine as they’re shoved in, you’ve won the prize. She’ll realise when odd ones come out washed and there’s a fully TT washed one in the flower border.

love

Muppet

xxx

The Deviant must be psychic

I don't know how he knew, but somehow The Deviant worked out that Mum needed a new jacket.  So he ate the zip and made it easier for her to go and justify getting one.

Aye, my fur kid brother is learning fast.

love

Muppet
xxx

Whodunnit?

 The Evidence.  Muddy paw prints on the dining room rug.  Mum says please excuse the fact she hasn't vaccumed.

The witness.  (That's me, Muppeteers.  The mud on my feet is collatoral damage.  I tried to warn him).

 The damage.  That patio was cleaned and disinfected by Mum this morning.    That plant pot was full of earth earlier.  The patio wasn't.

The Suspect.  (That's The Deviant, and I think that yowl of innocence is totally and utterly unconvincing and the muddy paws are a huge giveaway.)

HAHAA!  The PROOF!  You don't see my head in the plant pot now do you???

The Deviant is in the Doghouse.  Oddly I appear to be banned from the sofa, too.  I am protesting, with a pathetic type whine from behind the dog gate.  Earlier, there were fish skins on offer for our tea time snack.  They seem to have disappeared now, along with Mum's good mood.  We need Deputy Dawg to sort this injustice out.

Sometimes...

Most of the time, I am in a very very good mood.

But sometimes, I am in a very very bad mood and then it's better that I just sit somewhere out the way, so The Deviant doesn't bother me.

Today, is one of those moods.

I may well patent the "blanket-on-the-head" disguise, for it may well catch on.

I taught him well.

Today was The Deviant's first Championship Show. I'm an old hand these days, so I don't really mind what people think of me, as long as they clap at the end.

The Deviant, however, hasn't done all this.  We all travelled up in Auntie Barbara's car.  It was a very long journey to the showground and, whilst I travelled innocently in my crate, The Deviant shared the back seat with our cousins, Harry-No, Vita-May and Spicy Isis.  He kept jumping up at Auntie Barbara and then trying to sleep on her shoulder, which is silly when he's got three dogs to sleep on.

We all got to the showground and Mum and Auntie Barbara got our trolley's ready.  We all got in the trolleys in the pouring rain and all was well.  In theory.

Now you have to remember, the primary lesson to teach my little brother is, no matter what, never ever ever be seen to be naughty.  If you did it, don't be there when it's found.

That's why, when we got parked next to the show ring, and Auntie Barbara went to take our cousins out for a walk, she was a little bit surprised to find out that every single one of her leather dog leads had been chewed through, making them about 5 inches in length each, and not a lot of use to walk or show a dog on.

You couldn't hear me and The Deviant snigger, and I swear I then saw a moth fly out of Mum's purse, which was a bit odd.

The Deviant seems to have been forgiven, however, because he went on to get a 5th place in the show and seems a bit too full of himself now.  I may need to teach him not to show off.

We shall work on our next lesson shortly.

love

Muppet
xxx

OK so I'm proud. Ish.

Apparently, I teach Ringcraft really really well.

I teach Ringcraft to my brother The Deviant. 

I'm not sure what went wrong, but when he went in his class today he went up against three other dogs and came away with the Red Rosette, which is pretty darn good.

I got a Red Rosette, too.  Course I did!

Then we had the line up at the end. 

Aunty Heather had to handle The Deviant because she thought I'd be too naughty for her.  Of course, I was wonderful.  The nice lady judge had to ask Mummy to take The Deviant because he was being so incredibly horrible and wanted to play in the show ring (PLAY IN THE SHOW RING!! I ASK YOU, WHAT was he thinking??).  So, I had to go out of the ring so that he could learn to behave, then Aunty Heather took me in the ring again.  The Deviant STILL wanted to play.

So, what did the judge do??

She gave The Deviant Best Puppy in Breed ANNNNND Best of Breed!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHAT was she doing??? The Deviant?!  Best of Breed???   He even won fish biscuits!!! 

I must plan to unteach him everything I know.  Soon.

Bottom burps.

My brother's got a problem, Mum says he's very rude.

I think that he's just growing up, she says it must be food.

I think if he just sits quite still, there won't be any noise

but therein lays the problem, for boys still will be boys.

He sits, and "parp" the noise leaks out, it really is quite odd

Mum says its not and I shouldn't laugh, not at the little sod

He jumps for cuddles, quite a lot, and then it's just a race

He gets excited, tries to lick, and jumps up at your face

A bottom burp is coming up, beware it's not today

For Dave's the one who's killing all the air up round your way

I don't think we can cure it, a cork won't simply do

The Deviant is coming, so smell it all round you.

Love

Muppet

xxx

Just sayin'

I am housetrained.

I am three years and eight months old. I learned how to lift my leg in the garden a very very long time ago.

My little brother The Deviant is six and a half months old. He hasn't shown anyone how to pee like anything other than a girl dog - yet. My two sister dogs wouldn't dream of peeing in the house.

It will therefore remain a mystery as to why an unidentified dog peed up the dining room table leg this morning when Mum was in the shower.

But I am housetrained. Just sayin'.

Did you know..

...that if, as you walk out the front door, you raid the bin bag that the foxes have been through and pulled out the rubbish, you can grab an old manky tea bag, hold it in your mouth whilst pretending to be a good boy on the way to the car, climb in the car and settle down for the journey to work to have a good chew on it without ANYONE noticing at all?

The Deviant does.

Apparently loose tea from a tea bag doesn't half go a long way on the back seat of a car...

The Muppet is almost proud of his brother this morning. But don't tell him I said so.

Listen to the Muppet

Guess what The Deviant did?? Guess, guess, guess!!!

Mum dropped a WHOLE bottle of vinegar on the floor. Now The Deviant, being The Deviant, is totally and utterly driven by his belly. Even better, he's never tasted vinegar.

Mum told him, she did. A lot.

She was clearing up all the horrid bits of glass so that we didn't get cut paws. But he didn't listen. I sniffed it, and being of the sensible sort of dog, I backed off big time. I've had that spoil Mum's chips when I've stolen them before. Our big sister Cassie sniffed it and she went out the room. She's had ruined chips too, I guess.

But The Deviant? Ha!

He had to do it. Out came the tongue and Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp.

Then he ran. Fast. He huffed and he puffed and he ran around like a right twerp. The he ran to Mum and rubbed his muzzle all over her jumper 'cos he'd really really put the vinegar in all his beard fur and it was going up his nose like the smell of a sticking wet fish, whilst whinging and whinging like normally a Muppet only can. He huffed and puffed some more and then he went out the kitchen in disgust.

Of course, Muppeteers, I sat sensibly throughout and didn't stiffle a giggle at all. Not once, nope not me. Not the Muppet.

Much.

A whole year has gone by....

Muppeteers I'm so very very sorry that I haven't been around for sooooo so long (and thank you to Kirsty for reminding me.. woofs to the lovely gorgeous Cindy from me).

There is news. Such news. I've got to start with the sad news. Thecatwithnofur had to go and live at Rainbow Bridge. Mummy was so sad for so very long, because Thecatwithnofur was very sick and she couldn't save her no matter how much we all wanted her to. We miss her a lot, even if she was strange. The Skinvader is still here though, and Lucy the Fat Cat. In the last year too Mummy helped quite a lot of those nasty cat things, really little ones. She calls them foster cats, but something went wrong with one of them, at least I think so, because she bacame something else, that she calls a Failed Foster. Cassie was one of those, too, and seeing as she's lived in this house for 9 years, I figure that this thing, that she calls Princess Perfect isn't going to budge one inch from the house either. Secretly, she is nothing like a Princess. She's silver and white, and she has fur (thank god), but she steals dog toys and takes them upstairs. She also bites my toes. She bites Mum's toes when she's in bed too. Not a Princess at all.

And then there is The Deviant. Mum says he's my half brother, but if I'm related to him then there is something very wrong. He's this odd brown colour, he doesn't whinge at all, and he chases the SkInvader more than I do. He's fallen in love with The Princess and thinks she's wonderful even when she steals my toys. He comes to shows with us and, worse still, he wins prizes too. He does have a proper name, but it's nothing like Muppet, he's called Dave. He used to be cute but now he's nearly as big as me and he's not cute at all. He goes to the office with Mummy and sleeps in my bed. Apart from today, when we both went and Mummy says she needs a drink of something strong than tea. Coffee, perhaps? The Deviant says that he wants to contribute here, but then that means you lot will be Deviants too, not Muppeteers so I shall only let him tell me how norty he is and then I'll tell you. He got given a biscuit in the office today, but I thought that was very wrong. I told him so and he spent some time hiding under the desk. Told him, huh? He can't wee up trees yet either. He's a bit useless really. Well, a lot useless if you really want my opinion. He's quite good at digging out the pot plant in the garden though.


So, that's my very brief news for now. (by the way, I ate cat poo on the way in the house tonight, yum). I shall do my very bestest to be more regular this year on all Muppetry, I promise.

love

Muppet
xxx