Bottom burps.

My brother's got a problem, Mum says he's very rude.

I think that he's just growing up, she says it must be food.

I think if he just sits quite still, there won't be any noise

but therein lays the problem, for boys still will be boys.

He sits, and "parp" the noise leaks out, it really is quite odd

Mum says its not and I shouldn't laugh, not at the little sod

He jumps for cuddles, quite a lot, and then it's just a race

He gets excited, tries to lick, and jumps up at your face

A bottom burp is coming up, beware it's not today

For Dave's the one who's killing all the air up round your way

I don't think we can cure it, a cork won't simply do

The Deviant is coming, so smell it all round you.

Love

Muppet

xxx

Just sayin'

I am housetrained.

I am three years and eight months old. I learned how to lift my leg in the garden a very very long time ago.

My little brother The Deviant is six and a half months old. He hasn't shown anyone how to pee like anything other than a girl dog - yet. My two sister dogs wouldn't dream of peeing in the house.

It will therefore remain a mystery as to why an unidentified dog peed up the dining room table leg this morning when Mum was in the shower.

But I am housetrained. Just sayin'.

Did you know..

...that if, as you walk out the front door, you raid the bin bag that the foxes have been through and pulled out the rubbish, you can grab an old manky tea bag, hold it in your mouth whilst pretending to be a good boy on the way to the car, climb in the car and settle down for the journey to work to have a good chew on it without ANYONE noticing at all?

The Deviant does.

Apparently loose tea from a tea bag doesn't half go a long way on the back seat of a car...

The Muppet is almost proud of his brother this morning. But don't tell him I said so.

Listen to the Muppet

Guess what The Deviant did?? Guess, guess, guess!!!

Mum dropped a WHOLE bottle of vinegar on the floor. Now The Deviant, being The Deviant, is totally and utterly driven by his belly. Even better, he's never tasted vinegar.

Mum told him, she did. A lot.

She was clearing up all the horrid bits of glass so that we didn't get cut paws. But he didn't listen. I sniffed it, and being of the sensible sort of dog, I backed off big time. I've had that spoil Mum's chips when I've stolen them before. Our big sister Cassie sniffed it and she went out the room. She's had ruined chips too, I guess.

But The Deviant? Ha!

He had to do it. Out came the tongue and Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp.

Then he ran. Fast. He huffed and he puffed and he ran around like a right twerp. The he ran to Mum and rubbed his muzzle all over her jumper 'cos he'd really really put the vinegar in all his beard fur and it was going up his nose like the smell of a sticking wet fish, whilst whinging and whinging like normally a Muppet only can. He huffed and puffed some more and then he went out the kitchen in disgust.

Of course, Muppeteers, I sat sensibly throughout and didn't stiffle a giggle at all. Not once, nope not me. Not the Muppet.

Much.

A whole year has gone by....

Muppeteers I'm so very very sorry that I haven't been around for sooooo so long (and thank you to Kirsty for reminding me.. woofs to the lovely gorgeous Cindy from me).

There is news. Such news. I've got to start with the sad news. Thecatwithnofur had to go and live at Rainbow Bridge. Mummy was so sad for so very long, because Thecatwithnofur was very sick and she couldn't save her no matter how much we all wanted her to. We miss her a lot, even if she was strange. The Skinvader is still here though, and Lucy the Fat Cat. In the last year too Mummy helped quite a lot of those nasty cat things, really little ones. She calls them foster cats, but something went wrong with one of them, at least I think so, because she bacame something else, that she calls a Failed Foster. Cassie was one of those, too, and seeing as she's lived in this house for 9 years, I figure that this thing, that she calls Princess Perfect isn't going to budge one inch from the house either. Secretly, she is nothing like a Princess. She's silver and white, and she has fur (thank god), but she steals dog toys and takes them upstairs. She also bites my toes. She bites Mum's toes when she's in bed too. Not a Princess at all.

And then there is The Deviant. Mum says he's my half brother, but if I'm related to him then there is something very wrong. He's this odd brown colour, he doesn't whinge at all, and he chases the SkInvader more than I do. He's fallen in love with The Princess and thinks she's wonderful even when she steals my toys. He comes to shows with us and, worse still, he wins prizes too. He does have a proper name, but it's nothing like Muppet, he's called Dave. He used to be cute but now he's nearly as big as me and he's not cute at all. He goes to the office with Mummy and sleeps in my bed. Apart from today, when we both went and Mummy says she needs a drink of something strong than tea. Coffee, perhaps? The Deviant says that he wants to contribute here, but then that means you lot will be Deviants too, not Muppeteers so I shall only let him tell me how norty he is and then I'll tell you. He got given a biscuit in the office today, but I thought that was very wrong. I told him so and he spent some time hiding under the desk. Told him, huh? He can't wee up trees yet either. He's a bit useless really. Well, a lot useless if you really want my opinion. He's quite good at digging out the pot plant in the garden though.


So, that's my very brief news for now. (by the way, I ate cat poo on the way in the house tonight, yum). I shall do my very bestest to be more regular this year on all Muppetry, I promise.

love

Muppet
xxx

The Muppet Did Good

When Muppets put their minds to it, they apparently do it very well indeed.

Not only did I get up ridiculously early yesterday, I stayed clean all day long, didn't whinge until the journey home and in between got myself a blue rossette in a really hard Post Graduate class of 23 other pretty darn hot dogs.

People clapped a lot and I got garlic biscuits and lots of cuddles from Mum. Today, I have barked a lot in the garden too early in the morning, thrown my head into the water bowl and drunk Cassie's wee from the patio. No point being good all the time, eh...

The evidence is purely circumstantial

The facts are:

the sock was not on a foot.
the sock was not with it's pair.
the sock was in the dining room.
the sock was neither wholly in my mouth nor wholly in Cassie's mouth.
the sock was soggy.
the two small holes at the top are purely coincidentally the same width apart as my canine teeth.
Meg was, at the time of the crime, guarding Mum in the bathroom in case she went out the invisible secret door that must be in there that we must all protect her from and has thus been ruled out of being the culprit.

I'm not sure but I think i'm being framed.